I acknowledge and celebrate four holidays: 4-20, my birthday, Halloween, and Christmas. Of those four, Halloween takes the high throne of King of All Holidays for me personally. Christmas has nothing to do with Christmas, and the other two aren’t REAL holidays, so Halloween gets to sit on a throne made of candy corn and chocolate and monsters.
Sickened as I am by the Corporate Consumption Monster’s aggregious annexation of November into the “Christmas” umbrella, I decided a few years ago that ALL holidays I celebrate will be treated in the same fashion. Except Christmas. Fuck Christmas. Fuck Christmas music on November 1, fuck the commercials, fuck Black Friday, and fuck the people who try to act like human beings for two weeks out of the year because “tis the season” while they go out and trample each other at wal-mart because that’s what’s really important on Christmas. You don’t see people trampling each other to get into Church to celebrate the birth of Christ, you see people lined up for days outside Best Buy to celebrate the birth of a new fucking iphone. Tis the season indeed.
But we’re not here to talk about that bastard shit, we’re here to talk about motherfucking HALLOWEEN. I start celebrating Halloween generally on a random day in September when I realize that October is coming, and I don’t stop until it’s some time in November.
Now, before you think I get all carried away with it, let me be clear. I don’t really decorate, I don’t really do parties (I work nights on the weekends, I literally NEVER get to party ever) and I don’t pull a bunch of pranks? Well then, I hear your brains screaming, what do you do? I revel in the awesomeness of autumn, glee at the decay around me as the world slowly creeps closer towards winter, and I watch a lot of ‘scary-type’ movies. I also make a point of getting my grubby paws on some goddamn Count Chocula.
When I was a kid, I would rent the entire Halloween series (except Halloween 3, that shit doesn’t count) and watch it marathon-style. This year, I’m kind of resigned to Netflix because I just don’t feel like being a pirate right this second to go hunt movies down. We watched Pumpkinhead a week or so ago. Hopefully Netflix will have something good for me this week too.
As I’m getting older and time is moving ever faster, melting days into months before I even notice, it’s even more important for me to relish these periods of time that are all too brief to begin with. Halloween is a thing on the distant horizon until all of a sudden it’s the day before yesterday. And for the third year in a row, I’ll be working on Halloween. All goddamn night. I just hope nobody gets shot in the middle of the street a hundred goddamn feet from my work this year. Happy fucking halloween indeed. So yes, I’ll enjoy my 31 days of Halloween in quiet derision as the rest of the world catches up to my “if christmas can do it, so can a holiday I actually enjoy” sentiment. Good on you for catching up quick this year, world.