The Perils of Poor Planning (Necesito mas cebollas güey!) Your Cook’s Couch Substitute

I know, I know, I said I was going to Hogwarts.  But Reckoning has finished installing, Remember Me finally GameFlew in today, and once again we start the day with the breakfast of champions, so I thought I’d show a little love.

I really wanted to bring you guys another Cook’s Couch this week; I had so much fun writing the first one and the response seemed nice and positive.  Unfortunately, I’m a derp.  When I went to the store last week, I only bought TWO onions.  This is unacceptable, because I am now completely sans onions.

Why don’t you just cook without onions, you ask?  You can leave now.  I might as well just cook without meat, or garlic, or pepper.  It’s a cornerstone in a million and fifty seven (*numeric hyperbole, not a literal numerical calculation of total) flavor profiles.  In terms of my average everyday food intake profile, the things that I actually make for myself are things like stir fry or random shit out of boxes.  I have a lifelong love with a select handful of chef boyardee products (half of which haven’t been sold since the mid-90s) and certain Campbell’s Chunky soups (Steak and Potato loaded down with black pepper is dyn-o-mite) and there are some frozen TV dinners I can stomach, Michael Angelo’s makes some amazing chicken parm, but the portions are awfully small for the price.  But if you take some Hamburger Helper, throw in some mushrooms and some onions, a little pepper and some Worcestershire sauce…you take a bland meal-in-a-box and turn it into a one-way ticket on the Itis express.

And since this is a filler for the Cook’s Couch, what better entertainment than Boondocks Season 1 episode: The Itis.  Especially those of you who have no idea what a fucking itis is and why it’s a good thing.  

I’ve been trying to buy the park for years, but the State keeps trying to buttfuck me on the price.  But we’ll see who buttfucks who.”

Ed Wuncler

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About geist171

All my life I was told that I could be anything I wanted. I chose to be gracious for my blessings, generous with my fortunes, and in no particular hurry. I view my ADD as an alternative cognitive configuration rather than a disorder, and I never. shut. the fuck. up. I promise.
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